


I Am Cannibal

by Redwings



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Gore, M/M, Romance, an excuse to have sly be the good guy for once, ill tag anything that develops later, so much fighting i love fight scenes im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-08 11:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4302519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redwings/pseuds/Redwings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aoba fails Scrapping himself and ends up at Ren's animalistic mercy.</p><p>But they aren't the only ones left in Aoba's head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And It All Went Wrong

Everything was wrong.

All these damn questions were so obvious to answer and some took Aoba by surprise. Was it really necessary from him to answer them all? Did Ren question him that much to the point of needing to ask and reassure?

Apparently, because the wildly golden eyes staring him back down were beginning to choke his heart the more he answered.

For every question, a pound of confidence was beginning to dissipate and it was starting to show. What would happen if he failed here? He didn’t want to hurt Ren like he did with Mizuki; he had to stay focused. He didn’t want to think of why he was surrounded by all the images of himself in all the angles Ren had seen him, he didn’t want to focus too much on why this was happening, why he was having a hard time at Scrapping _himself_ of all people. He knew himself best right?

_Right?_

But time was running out and his choices were becoming harder and repetitive, no matter how many times Aoba repeated his answer, no matter how right it seemed. He reached out to pick the right answer, the next question shooting out at him. He couldn’t even find his voice to tell Ren himself how he felt. It was like Aoba’s throat was being ripping out from the inside. How could he have let this happen? Why did he have to go to Platinum Jail and get himself stuck in this mess? That’s right, because a Seragaki never goes back on their word. Because Aoba didn’t want to abandon the people he had back home, because he loved everyone on the island, including the Allmate that saved him through thick and thin, through every hard time of his life.

Why couldn’t he just say that out loud?

Shit, he didn’t need to waste time on this! He answered all the questions as quickly and honestly as he could:

Ren is a small dog, he doesn’t like Clara-chan, he’s a male, his eyes are dark, he never bites, his paws are pink and…

He needed Aoba?

He loved Aoba…?

These are the ones Aoba didn’t understand. He knew Ren needed him in a way that others need each other, but did anyone really need someone else? Did he love Aoba in the way that Aoba wanted to be loved? Could he love Ren in the way that Ren wanted to be loved? What kind of way was that? Any way it was, Aoba was ready to give it, wasn’t he?

But soon the floating red boxes starting layering over each other, all of these boxed questions. With every sharp ring of a new, repeated question, Aoba’s eyes widened with the one, with each and every word he saw.

“Do you love me, Aoba?”

That was the question that dominated them all.

He kept pressing yes on all that he could reach. He kept pressing yes on Ren needing Aoba, how he loved Aoba.

“Ren… Ren, _please_ , stop this!” Aoba panicked, surrounded by the questions like a growing wall. What was he supposed to say? What could he say that could make this stop? This panic growing in his chest was the same way he felt back when he’d have those strange nightmares in Glitter; he’d hear crunching sounds, unable to feel areas of himself the more and more he’d dream, and he could feel something surrounding him, something warm and wet and heavy and his breath would catch and all he would see where the rings of darkness surrounding him and the panic would rise so sickeningly fast he thought he’d upchuck in his own mind.

And it was the last thing Aoba could think of when he was pinned to the ground with a set of sharp fangs and an animalistic, sputtering growl hanging above his head, wet breath gasping over him, and dark blue hair caressing his sweat-stained cheeks.

“Ren…?” Aoba’s voice came out so struggled and desperate that it was hard to find it as his own. This was it… This was the pain and panic he felt.

Then the crunching sound… The lack of feeling in his limbs…

With one long look in the eyes just an inch away from his own, all of Aoba’s fears were made certain.

This was how he was going to die.

His life flashed before his eyes in a sense of comfort as sharpened jaws were stretched before him– strange because he was inside his own mind, as well.

Aoba saw the first day he met his adoptive parents, Naine and Haruka. He remembered the day they went to Granny’s house, and her face when she remembered Aoba as the boy she left at the orphanage. He remembered several birthdays before his parents left, several moments of playing with the three of them, several glorious days where the voices in his head were quiet enough to let him live, at least just for a while.

Then he remembered meeting Koujaku, he remembered how his hero fought off the bullies harassing Aoba for his hair length, how his kimonoed friend walked him home hand in hand. Aoba remembered how they’d play on the swing set every night that Granny would leave him alone for too long. He thought of the way they’d build mountains in the sand the size of their hands since those were all the tools they had. He remembered times where Koujaku invited Aoba to his house and they’d spend the night together having some of Koujaku’s mom’s cooking. Aoba remembered her being a really beautiful lady and looking identical to her son… Aoba remembered breaking Koujaku’s mind, seeing what he had done to her, his father, his entire bloodline. He remembered holding Koujaku close and vowing their friendship to last forever.

Aoba remembered meeting Noiz, firstly in a horrid bunny costume in a Drive-By. It was a decent game if Aoba was actually having fun, and if the voice in his head didn’t cut in then he might’ve actually lost the long run of victories his opponent claimed. He remembered meeting Noiz officially when the kid appeared nonchalantly in the Junk Shop just to pull a fast one over Aoba’s head, then broke into his room and hacked in his computer. He remembered all of Noiz’s piercings, of why he got them, and where he was from. After breaking in his mind, Aoba knew why he left, and promised to show him a better world. One he might not be able to see again.

He remembered Clear, that funny friend of his. His beautiful voice, wonderful cooking skills, and deep soul that could carry such lovely conversations for hours on end without being annoying or childish or abrasive, were the things Aoba loved most of all about him. Clear was so delicate, even if he could punch that zombie guy straight to America. He remembered that face only he saw, the one he used to face the Alphas right before… Before he…

Aoba found Mink in his head next. He was a strange man, built to kill, to find Toue and make him pay for the crimes against his tribe and the torture he was put through in the name of science. He remembered the times Mink tried getting out the “real” Aoba, and for a moment Aoba wondered if that worked since he couldn’t remember any of it when he woke up. There were times where Mink was a delicate as the feathers in his hair and his voice as soft as the clinking chains around his neck and wrists. Aoba remembered telling Mink that he was alive and should live like it. Regardless of what Mink had done to Aoba, Aoba still had the sense to save this man, to loosen those chains just enough for the con to escape his past.

A trait Aoba was afraid he’d never get after this.

His eyes flashed open after a glimpse of Virus and Trip looming over him in a way that spoke unspeakable truths, saying such absurd things that pieces together too well in Aoba’s life to be lies.

“Ren… Ren, d-don’t do this, please, I…” Aoba couldn’t find his voice as the once beautiful man before him leaned back, tensing like a rabid dog before an attack.

The surrounding questions had fled, the room as pitch black as the fear chilling Aoba’s heart and burning his eyes. He wanted to scream as he fought against the hold on his wrists, kicking desperately to find an escape – _any_ escape, please! _Please_!!

Teeth pierced hard though his skin straight to the bone. Even though this was all in Aoba’s head, he sure as hell could feel it – every torn muscle and every spasm of pain.

A frantic scream pierced through the air and the only way Aoba knew it was him was because he could feel the inside of his throat tearing to the making of the sound. He kicked harder, struggled harder, begged louder for it all to stop stop stop stop stop STOP _STOP_!!

And suddenly there was nothing.

There was no heaping weight keeping him to the ground, the pain in his shoulder ripped away as quick as it had come and left a throbbing ache, and the sound of wild growls were several paces away.

“Reason, what the actual _fuck_ did you do?!”

That voice… Was it his own? No, no, Aoba didn’t speak, he was too busy whimpering and gasping in pain. Who was the voice talking to? What was…?

He managed to squeeze his eyes open, seeing only a thick haze, rolling on his good side and holding his shoulder with a gratefully free hand. He felt blood, as sticky and gross as the numb feeling in his dreams.

“Shit… Is that thing Restraint? You really screwed up, didn’t you?”

No… That voice... 

The one that told Aoba to destroy, to ignore the world while the voice shattered it all, made sure nothing was left to disturb Aoba or hurt him or abandon him again and proved it by breaking Mizuki…

“Scrap.”

Aoba’s voice came out weak as his vision came into focus. The man before him was an exact replica of himself – minus the busted shoulder, sweat-drenched face, and wild look to his face. No, this man’s eyes were just as wildly yellow as Ren’s if not wilder. It was gorgeous if not for the striking fear Aoba felt at first glance. The man was nude, appearing both provocative in the way he stood, and equally as warrior-like and proud.

“The name’s Desire,” the man said in the same demandingly smooth voice Aoba had heard those several times before. It sounded as though Aoba had heard that voice some time ago, so many years ago.

As fast as Ren was shoved off, he was back on his hands and feet, snarling at Desire with a rabid ache to his face, in pain and desperate and wild. But Desire faced him with a sense of confidence.

“That’s a good look for you, ‘Ren’. Nice and wild. I’d like it if it weren’t on you,” he said with a frown, his tone bitter and in pain regardless of his words. “The hell are you still fucking doing here, Reason? Get out!! Go find Sei, get the fuck outta here!”

“H…How?” Aoba panicked, still on his knees, cringing against the bite in his shoulder. “What… What about you?” Ren didn’t look like he’d be sobering up from his vicious anger anytime soon to manage an escape.

“Of all the times you could’ve worried about me, honestly,” Desire frowned, but snapped back up, “Scrap your way out, you’ve only got a second! I’ll keep him from getting too close, so just get hurry up and us outta here.”

“Us…” These were the people Aoba heard way back when, back in his head, the arguing voices in the orphanage…

Holy shit.

“Fuck... It actually sounds nice when you say that. Anyway, get your nice ass outta here and get to Sei! Don’t you worry about lil ol’ me!” 

The next thing Aoba knew he was thrown into the real world, his shoulder unscathed, his stomach sore from the kick Trip gave him only seconds ago it seemed, and his head throbbed as though there was a blood bath annihilating his mind.

“Aoba! Ren!” a voice shouted, forcing Aoba’s eyes wide open.

He was still in Platinum Jail, still with a shot at getting to where he has to be to save Desire and Ren, surrounded by the people he needed once again.


	2. The Three of Us

Aoba didn’t understand what at all was going on. He was usually well with dealing with problems, able to calm down and see these more reasonably since his years on the streets.

But everything he knew just up and fell apart. He could feel it in his stomach that everything he thought was fine, the world he was once at peace with within himself, flipped and shattered and fought to kill him at a moment’s notice.

_…ba… Aoba…_

Why did he do that to Ren? Why did he have to go and fuck everything up and ruin his best friend’s life like that? And just who was the person who saved him and why did Aoba feel like he was finally whole just by being in the presence of the two people now fighting to the death in his mind and-

“Oi!” A sharp force hit the side of his head, cracking hard to the side and snapping his vision sharply.

“Dammit, Beansprout, that was too hard!” Aoba heard Koujaku cut in. Suddenly the kimonoed warrior’s face came into Aoba’s settling view as a muttered apology echoed. The hairdresser’s scarred face was clenched with worry and sweat, his breathing tight and reminding Aoba that they were nowhere safe enough to be taking a break. His eyes flickering to the surrounding members of his ragtag team of “heroes” all bore the same appearance and exhausted expressions. They were in no shape to keep on going for long, let alone follow suit to the end and finish this fight once and for all.

“Are you alright, Aoba? What happened to you and Ren?” asked Koujaku. Aoba’s eyes shot back to him, then trailed to the ground where his hands were shaking. He only noticed how much he wasn’t breathing until he began hyperventilating to the thoughts cascading in his mind - so dark, so red, so distraught and chaotic. It was like a ball of yarn unraveling the more and more time he wasted with sitting, and the worst part of it was how much he could physically feel it. Like those fangs that sank into his skin not a minute ago...

Ren. He had to go back and save him. He had to find Sei, just like Desire ordered.

“We have to keep going, hurry!” Aoba shouted, ignoring Koujaku and getting to his feet. If he moved fast enough they could get to the top floor where Toue was perched comfortably and finally face him, and then find Sei and somehow end this madness. “We have to get to Toue! We can’t let it end here, we have to finish this!”

“The building is being overrun by guards as we speak,” Noiz said with a stoic expression, but his body huffing and giving with every panting breath.  “There’s no way we’re going to get out of here whole if we head the wrong way.”

“I’m going after Toue,” Mink cut in, “I could give a shit what the hell happens to the rest of you.”

_‘No._

A voice suddenly slammed in Aoba’s head. His knees gave in a gasp and he struggled to stand. That voice was nowhere near his own, nor did it sound like Desire.

“But… What about Ren?” he asked the voice out of nowhere. “He’s….”

“The Allmate?” Noiz asked Koujaku, eyes turning to the disabled pup on the ground. The hairdresser hurriedly picked him up just as a distant explosion sounded off in the not-too-far distance. The ground beneath their feet shook hard in an echo.

“Master?” Clear asked, his face taut with worry.

“We… We have to leave,” Aoba breathed, no matter how against his earlier statement this was. “We have to get out of here, but… I really have to do this soon, I have to get to Sei as fast as possible.”

“Sei-san?” asked the android once more, his one good eye darting to the side in thought. Aoba didn’t catch that movement in time as Koujaku cut in.

“Aoba, what the hell is going on? Are we leaving or not?”

“You’re not going to make it out alive if you keep bitching. I’m  staying,” Mink ordered.

“No! You can’t!” Aoba shouted.

“Then what are you saying? Are we leaving or not?” The tech junkie took a step forward. “I came here with you so you’re word is what I’m up for. I’m still getting my end of the deal.”

“Deal?! What the hell, Aoba!” Koujaku burst. 

“Koujaku, you guys… We all have to leave.” Aoba’s voice was stern, going against the feeling in his heart about staying and finding Sei and getting Ren back in one piece. But it felt as though someone else was flooding this information in his head, being read to him like his mother reading a storybook and leading him to picture the details. “The building will be taken over, but it’ll still be here for another maybe two days. Mink, we’ll be able to get back here in time. This isn’t your only chance, we have to-“

A sharp pain suddenly ripped through Aoba’s head. He saw the ground in an instant and his hands flew to his ears as a scream tore through his chest. No, no, _no_!! Not now, Desire couldn’t have been… So soon, he was fallen…? He tried kicking while the struggling pain seeped through his mind and felt as though he was being pulled back into his head and being devoured again and again, pulled deeper into the black of his mind until the numb became all he felt.

“I’m getting him out of here! Any of your suicidal assholes wanna stay then that’s on you!” Koujaku shouted over the rumbling building. He picked up the unconscious Aoba in his arms and tried not to fumble while running to the exit on trembling ground.

“It’s going to be harder getting back in here, but I’m out until we do,” Noiz said in pants, hurriedly following the pair out the exit. Clear took a look at Mink and gently tugged his sleeve.

“Mink-san…?”

The large man’s eyes were ice cold and his stare was hard at the pair of doors leading to the upper floors. He came this far to finally give his village peace, to silence most of the screams echoing in his heart from the flames his people had felt before the life left their beautiful eyes. He came here to lay rest once and for all.

He brushed Clear off without a word and headed for the doors. The android’s un-bandaged eye widened with shock and worry. He looked over his shoulder once at the exit, contemplating, and back to Mink as the man strode unfazed to the door, the explosions and echoes of gunfire hindering him no more than a breeze.

Clear followed him without a word.

_____________ 

The world was still dark and the only sounds were heavy breathing, one very close and the other far away but still very much present.

Aoba’s eyes were wide and he remained frozen on his back on the cold black ground of his mind, afraid of moving and finding Ren’s bloodthirsty eyes looming over him and stealing hope from his soul in a single bite.

He jolted when he felt a rough hand shake his shoulder.

“Hey! You all the way here or what?” asked a breathless voice.

“Desire?” Aoba asked weakly, half-hoping it was a stable Ren instead.

He must’ve voiced that out loud because Desire clicked his tongue and spat, “Yeah, you’re real fucking welcome for saving you. _Again_.” Again…?

“Thanks… Thank you,” Aoba breathed, sitting up and taking a good look at his “hero”; Desire had chips of skin taken from his arms and legs in some places, not too gruesome, but still painful to look at; there was a harsh bite in his shoulder and a rough patch of dried blood resulting from it. He was sweaty and tired and exhausted, but his eyes still held so much fight in them that it was hard to tell whether or not the wounds affected this manifestation of instinct at all.

“Don’t worry about it,” Aoba’s reflection groaned, spitting a mouthful of red to the side. He nudged his chin to the echoed pair of wheezes, a splitting grin forming in his face. “I got him a good few times.”

That’s when Aoba finally took a good look at where the other sound resounded. There, not too distant from them, was Ren still in the same Rhyme mode as before, lying on his back and whimpering over a fresh wound on his arm. He was covered in as many gashes as Desire but seemed more drained. His eyes, as far as Aoba could tell, were tired and sad. He seemed much more composed than before – as composed as a wild animal could be.“Is he…?”

“Still feral? Yeah, it’s fun as hell,” Desire frowned. “He shifts in and out of his fit. Sorry you got dragged here, he got in a blow I didn’t see coming.” He rolled the shouldered bite mark without any trace of pain. “Did you get to Sei yet? Kinda doubting it since we’re all still here and shit.”

“No… No, I… I didn’t,” Aoba said, regrettably sitting up and feeling like he fell from the heavens to get here.

 “ _What?!_ The _fuck_ were you doing out there, banging all your boyfriends?” Desire snapped, his wide eyes yellow and deadly. “Does it look like I _want_ to be here? I’m not just doing this for you, you _fucking_ shit head!”

“Someone told me not to!” Aoba shouted, his loud voice silencing Ren’s gentle whimpers. “I felt someone in my head telling me what to do.”

“And you fucking _listened_? Did you _not_ learn what listening to the wrong asshole would _do_?” Desire aggressively waved his hand to Ren, who was slowly regaining himself on his hands and knees.

“No, no, it… It wasn’t like how it was before, back on the beach, near the church.” Desire’s anger subsided, surprised. “It was a soft voice, I think. It was someone strong – really, really strong, Desire – and… It just felt right to listen and get out.”

Soon Desire’s eyes burned hard and widened so much they nearly fell out. His head slowly turned away from Aoba in a dark realization, burning the ground on fire with his eyes alone. His voice came out struggled like he was trying not to shout his words out:

“He’s leaving me here.” He slowly lifted his head up, bangs sweaty and clinging to his forehead while he watched the beast across their empty battlefield struggle to breathe. “He’s leaving me here and he knows it.”

“Who is? What’re they doing?” Aoba cut in, crawling to Desire’s side.

“Our fucking brother.”

“What- Why would he do that?”

“There’s no time. Go.” Desire stood up much easier than Ren had, his hands tight by his sides and at the ready, prepared to fight and withstand once more.

“You can’t fight him for too long, can you?” Aoba asked, looking back and forth between Ren and Desire. “I’ll admit I know a whole lot about…well, anything here.”

“Then you have no idea how in touch I am with my wild side, Aobabe,” Desire grinned, stepping back to Aoba and in a sweeping motion grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled their faces together, smashing their lips hard and fast in a poor, desperate execution of a kiss. Bright yellow eyes locked with golden pools as their lips interlocked roughly.

It was then that Aoba realized who this person really was; the angry voice in his head at the church, the one who loved Haruka and Naine so much, the one which yearned most for them to be around, the one who hated them most when they left just like Koujaku, the one who told Aoba to leave Granny and hurt the world and fight only for himself and never again trust another human being.

Desire pulled the kiss apart when he was satisfied and a low growl rumbled from across the area.

“Now this time, go find Sei. As soon as you do, I’m going to rip him a-fucking-part,” promised Desire with a quick nip of Aoba’s bottom lip. Desire stood up tossed Reason back down, turning with striding steps towards the ravenous Ren across the broken wake.

“D-Desire!” Aoba shouted, getting to his feet and taking several steps forward. He regretted moving when he saw how suddenly livid Desire’s eyes were at his wasting of time.

He was cut off before any words could leave his lips, before any voice of regret of pushing Desire away for so long could be made known. He felt himself being viciously forced out of the hellhole he called his subconscious. His eyes flickered with fear when Ren’s stare landed on him, but for a moment – just a moment but just enough promise – Aoba saw a streak of gold and a softening of that wild look, barely enough to break with an expression of regret and fear and sadness…

His hand reached out, just to touch Ren and silence the hurt in his eyes, just as Desire ran in for the first punch, a warrior cry roaring and sending Aoba away for good.

Gold eyes flashed open and his opened palm, reached out in the same way he craved Ren, held nothing but the space between him and a ceiling. He was on his back again but this time it was on something soft and warm, far away from the battle that raged on.

“Aoba? You’re awake!” Koujaku’s voice resonated with obvious relief. His face came into view just as Noiz’s had to the sound of rushed footsteps, both faces bandaged and unclean from battle.

“When did I black out? How long was it?” he sat up sharply – earning a throb to his head – and whipped around. He was lying on his own couch in his own house, the lights out and the smell of something sweet and boiling wafting from the kitchen - tea. He was somewhere safe and quiet as compared to the explosions in Platinum Jail. It was too quiet as the echoes of battle rang deafeningly in his ears compared to the silence in the walls.

“You were out for a few hours. Noiz and I made it back here just before the gates to the Jail were shut,” said Koujaku as he took a seat beside Aoba, looking at Noiz with a strange look in his crimson eyes 

“Granny-“

“Was out when we got here,” Koujaku assured. “I don’t think she’ll be back until later. Seems like her, Yoshie, and Haga-san are going to have a hard time with the police for letting us bail earlier.” That’s right, all five of them…

“Where’s Clear and Mink?”

“Back in the Jail,” Noiz said, sitting on the ground before the pair, ignoring the pained face Aoba had at his answer. “They stayed behind. They wanted to take out Toue on their own. We’re not too sure how far they got themselves and the Jail’s systems are fried to the bare wires; there’s no way I can’t get in, let alone soon.”

“They’re still back there? But they’ll get themselves killed, don’t they know that?”

“The big guy seemed like he was down with whatever and the robot stuck around to help get ripped apart.”

“ _You shitty brat_! What the _hell_ is your deal?” Koujaku snapped before Aoba could. Noiz was on his feet in another second, ripping off his hat and displaying the ash in his hair and bandaged face much clearer.

“They _knew_ this would _fucking_ happen, old man. They knew they wouldn’t get out alive, it’s not my fault they want a grave in gravel and never be seen again.”

“You’re not even acting like you care!”

“Why should I when they did this on their own?”

Koujaku was on his feet and held fistfuls of Noiz’s shirt, fist at the ready to break him apart. 

“Both of you! Shut up!” Aoba shouted, his voice changing for a split second and a sudden throb at the side of his head. Shit, he really shouldn’t call upon Scrap at a time like this, especially when the source of the power was fighting to keep him alive. “I know we can’t go back but Noiz is right, they did choose their own…path. But Koujaku is right, you shouldn’t go making their lives seem disposable.” The pair seemed taken back, regretful even.

“I just…don’t think I know what to do,” Noiz was the first to mutter, averting his eyes and stuffing his hands in his hat. He sat back down on the ground and looked down, his dirty hair covering his eyes. 

“What about you, Aoba? What happened to continuing on? What about Ren and…and the screaming?” asked Koujaku, sitting one the couch beside his friend. “You’re still pale as hell and you were… It was like you were crying for a while. You didn’t stop until only a minute ago.” 

Every time Aoba brought up the voices in his head to Granny, she told him they were nothing to worry about, told him to take a pill, and it would all go away. Then headaches happened and the feeling would feel desperate and wild, and he’d take another pill. When he once brought the voices up to his parents, his dad told him to face his demons and that he’d be right beside him when it happened. His mother held him tight and told him he would be safe so long as he knew in his heart what was right and wrong then the monsters everyone has wouldn’t get to him. The only three people in his life told him to keep it to himself and battle them alone to be stronger, to drown them and they will go away, just like every other problem one had to battle.

Aoba had to come to terms with his demons and everything that came with it.

“It’s…a long story, but now we have nothing but time on our hands,” Aoba admitted with a small, careful voice. An exchange of glances between Koujaku and Noiz was made before the pair looked to Aoba.

“I’m…going to tell you both how I was able to break you, as well as what I really am, and all the details I know so far. Starting with the three of us: Restraint, Desire, and Reason.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aoba's is told by a new voice in his head to leave PJ behind along with Mink and Clear, and faces Ren and Desire once more. Then he spills the beans to Noiz and Koujaku about who and what he really is
> 
> oh snap
> 
> Thank you so much for Kudos!! Please comment if there's any typos anything as well :'>


	3. A Temporary Hideout

Silence resonated in the room not unlike the aftershock of a firing bullet. What Aoba had told his two comrades could be similar to the same shocking feeling, he realized in afterthought. Noiz and Koujaku were silent; Koujaku tight with wide eyes at Aoba while Noiz had his chin on his fist, eyes vacant with thought.

“To summarize,” the tech junkie hummed, “you’re a product of Toue’s research – you and your brother Sei, who is still locked in the heart of Platinum Jail – and that’s the reason why you feel in your weird-ass blue hair-“

“And that’s why you have Scrap? For Toue to use to rule the island?” cut in Koujaku with a flabbergasted face.

“Not to mention the two psychopaths in your _own_ psychopath mind?” finished Noiz. Aoba could only nod. “Back when you were Sly Blue, your desire influenced most of your choices… And now he’s fighting your dog which is also an extension of yourself, inside your head, and waiting for you to get back to finish the job and eat you alive.” Aoba cringed…then nodded.

“As silly as this all sounds, it’s nothing but the truth. I don’t know what to do, I answered everything right, all the things Ren wondered, but… I did the same thing to Desire.” It felt as though realization hit him hardest at that very moment. “We left when we could’ve taken Toue down. I can’t blame me leaving based only on that gut feeling I had – it was my entire fault. Now he’s got a better chance at taking over the island while I’m here bitching about my own problems.” He laughed bitterly – more like a choking sound with a forced smile – and hid his face in sweaty palms. “I don’t deserve to be saved.”

“Aoba,” Koujaku cut in, grabbing Aoba’s shoulders and turned to face him directly, not an inch apart. “You saved all of us – me, him, Clear, and Mink – and without even thinking about how troublesome it’d be for you. There’s o way for me to tell you directly how I feel about what you did for me, and that… There’s no way anyone doesn’t deserve saving.”

“Except Toue,” Noiz offered. Koujaku shot him a look before returning to Aoba’s nervous tremors.

“He doesn’t count. At any rate, Aoba, we… I need you here. I don’t want to lose you, so I’m sticking around until the very end. I’ll help you find your brother and get you two together. Whatever this Desire is hoping for to pull through, I hope it happens soon. If it doesn’t, well… We’ll still be here. Right?” He looked to Noiz for an answer, and the German couldn’t give more than a calm nod to the torn face Aoba had.

Aoba fought against the burning tears behind his eyes and the wringing in his heart, managing a weak, “Yeah,” before focusing on regaining himself.

“I’m going to finish making us some tea. Toue shouldn’t have too many resources in this area of the island to track us down, so we’ll be safe so long as we’re around the block. You should get some air, Aoba,” Koujaku said with his kind voice, something Aoba could never say “no” to.

“It’s still not all that safe out,” Noiz said, his voice the complete opposite of Koujaku’s. “He out of all of us has to stay inside. Toue isn’t after _us_ so much is he after _him_ , and with whatever is in his head getting at him, we can’t risk him passing out in the middle of the street like he did in Platinum Jail.”

“Don’t talk like I’m not here, Noiz,” Aoba snapped too quickly.

“Then don’t put yourself in danger,” he spat back just as fast. “I agreed that I’d stick by you till the end, but not if you’re going to throw my life down the drain just as fast as you brushed off Mink and Clear.”

“You _fucking_ _brat_!” Koujaku bellowed from the kitchen.

It was true, though, it was all true. It was what Aoba _needed_ to hear, not what he wanted. This was all his fault and he should have gone back while he still had the chance. Left and right he seemed to have taken the completely wrong turn.

Fuck, he didn’t feel good.

“I need some air,” Aoba cut in, grabbing an old jacket by the door and leaving before Koujaku or Noiz could even think about telling him otherwise. He knew really how dumb it’d be for him to walk outside at a time like this – as if his hooded face could honestly save him – but he felt suffocated the more he thought about all of the things he had to do.

Just a moment ago, saving the world hadn’t been on his agenda, but he was about to do just that before he fucked things over and got himself cannibalized in his own head. He could feel Desire and Ren fighting, every time he became quiet enough with his thoughts, every time there wasn’t something else occupying his mind or the sound of his footprints on the pavement didn’t ring as loud as it could in these empty streets. He could hear every scrape of bone, every harsh breath, every hysterically screamed threat, every lash and break and bite and shatter and splat-

He shook his head and tried breathing easier to shove that aside. Desire said he had things under control, so Aoba should have more faith in that other shade of himself. Desire was his strength, after all…

 

 

He walked for what felt like several hours before finding himself in a familiar area. He had gotten lost on the island several times to know where not to go, but he was fine with wherever his legs took him. What he didn’t expect to find himself at was near Scratch’s old hideout on the outskirts of the island, far from Platinum Jail and far from any sort of bond he had with the familiar part of his home. The outside of the building was empty and far from thriving like it was before the mass of members invaded Platinum Jail under Minks command.

Mink and Clear… Why did he have to leave them behind…

He wobbled inside, his vision fading in and out in waves. He tried to focus on the hint of cinnamon hovering in the walls to keep from stumbling on his face. He ran his pale fingers over the messy, colorful paint of the ex-convict gang. It really would’ve been nice to see those guys again, regardless of what they tried to do to him. They really looked up to Mink and were just as strong headed as Aoba when it came to getting things done. Those guys… He wondered what happened to them, too, after that explosion…

That wonder came and went like a thunder strike; a sudden pain struck Aoba in the side of his head so hard he was brought crumbling to his knees. If he weren’t already sure that he was completely alone, he would’ve thought that a baseball bat swung at him from behind. Hell, it very well could have been. His eyes rolled around in his head and he could swear he tasted blood in his mouth at how hard his head was ringing. Desire must’ve taken a serious blow and let Ren try to break the walls that bound them. It felt worse than the headaches he got when he used Scrap and Desire would inch his way out, dammit.

He hadn’t known he shouted or yelled in pain until a voice different from his own called out to him.

“Master? Is that you?” It was soft and gentle and wavering like a cautious child. The withering Aoba struggled to turn his body around, only to find a familiar pair of boots before his eyes.

The first time he had woken up in this place he had been welcomed by a pair of large black boots, so large they could’ve stepped on his head and squashed him like a bug. Afterwards a heavy voice resounded from the man who would eventually do unspeakable things to Aoba.

But these boots were different, as was their voice, synthetic smell, and gentle aura.

“C…Clear?” Aoba groaned, rubbing his head as the pain subsided just enough for him to see. He caught the blurred sight of a bandaged face – so familiar and so broken and so beautiful – and those bright pink eyes that shone with nothing but purity and innocence. But he couldn’t be… After Platinum Jail, this wasn’t…

“Master!” Clear exclaimed, moving around as though the bandages wrapping his body didn’t restraint him back a bit. He helped Aoba to his feet with complete ease – something Aoba would never get used to – and helped brush him clean once his footing was solid enough to stand. “Where did you go from the tower? Did you make it out all right, Aoba-san? Mink-san and I have been so worried!” Breath left Aoba’s chest as fast as it had when he saw this white-haired angel.

“M-Mink?” He made it out, too?

“Yes! Mink-san is just in the back! I’ll take you to him.” Clear put his arm under Aoba’s and helped him walk for several corridors down. Aoba probably could walk on his own but he couldn’t shake the feeling of relief in his heart to Clear’s warm touch again.

“What… How did you guys make it out?” he asked under his breath as though the walls had ears. Clear spoke loud and happy regardless.

“You wouldn’t believe it, Master! Mink-san and I got right into Toue’s top floor – it was so big, Master, you wouldn’t believe it! – but then suddenly images on these screens came out of nowhere and a man’s face appeared!”

“A man’s face…?”

“Yes! The man looked… His eyes were…” His voice trailed off and his eyes stared at something no there before he oddly regained himself continued just as delighted. “Mink-san and I barely made it out in one piece. He got shot by one of Toue’s men, and we didn’t see those nasty Yakuza brothers on our way out either.” Aoba would’ve corrected him had he not been annoyed with the memories of those not-twins always reminding him of their unlikely relationship together.

“Clear, what did the man’s face look like?” he asked as they came close to the last room in the corridor. Clear’s lips pursed and his eyes darted around like he was reading for an answer in the dust floating in the air.

“A-Ah! Mink-san is here!” he called suddenly, leading Aoba into a room where a large man sat on the edge of the bed, shirtless and sporting several reddening bandages around his arm and pant leg. The man only opened his mouth to exhale a stream of smoke from the pipe barely balanced between his lips.

Then his cold eyes darted to Aoba, warming for the only split second Aoba needed to see.

“You’re in one piece,” Mink greeted, returning his eyes to the wall he aimed to stare a hole into.

“Mink, you’ve made it, too,” he sighed with relief. “We all thought you both were-”

“You don’t have enough faith.”

“I can tell you didn’t think I made it out, either,” Aoba batted. Mink’s lip curled upward for a beat. Clear helped the tension by easing Aoba into a rickety chair near the bed.

“I caught him up to how we escaped! We barely made it back here but I managed to carry Mink-san the rest of the way over, so it wasn’t hard, don’t you worry! But Master, you said ‘we’, didn’t you?” Clear asked. With Aoba’s nod, he added, “So you mean Noiz-san and Koujaku-san are both alright as well?”

“As they’ll ever be,” he shrugged halfheartedly. Both of their words were tugging at his heart almost as much as the fighting in his mind.

Mink’s eyes locked on Aoba for a moment too long to be considered friendly. Without looking away, he muttered. “Clear. Water is down the hall. Get us some.”

“Of course!” Clear nodded, leaving the tension.

Just as Clear turned out of sight, a hard smack to the face sent Aoba jolting to the side in a rather embarrassing yelp.

“ _What the hell?!”_ he screeched with an immediate wince, clamping his hands on the heat spreading painfully on his face.

“You shouldn’t be outside right now.” Aoba managed to look at Mink’s face through the pain that nearly sent him toppling out of his seat. Mink seemed regretful if an ex-con with zero remorse could seem regretful. Aoba let his hands fall to his sides, nervously holding the bottoms of the chair.

“So…So I’ve been told. But… I’m not…all okay. In my head, I mean. I needed to be outside, breathe a while.” Mink didn’t raise a brow but his expectant look seemed to raise some unvoiced questions. “There’s some nasty stuff going around in my head and-“

“The voice in your head. The one who showed his face in Glitter.” Aoba looked up immediately, eyes wide. That’s right, Mink would know the most about Desire unlike the rest of his friends. Although it was only for brief periods, and Aoba had no real idea what happened then, Mink still had met Desire and was more cautious around Aoba afterwards. Most likely for the right reasons.

“Yeah. He’s the one you’ve ran into a few times.”

“The demon,” Mink felt the need to add.

“The what? No, he’s…he’s not a demon,” Aoba shook his head, hoping Desire hadn’t heard.

A sudden throb to his head said otherwise. Desire hadn’t even given Aoba a moment to process the pain before he took control, shoving Aoba’s consciousness to the side. Golden eyes suddenly burned a yellow as wild as blooming Goldfield flowers. They would have been gorgeous have not for the aura of death and blood that instantly replaced Aoba’s innocence.

“Master?” Clear’s wondering voice echoed from the doorway as though he sensed the change, warily holding two bottles of water.

“If I wasn’t in a hurry I wouldn’t mind fucking you over right about now, you shitty fucking Sasquatch,” Desire growled to Mink, barely gracing him with a glance. He immediately reached into Aoba’s pockets, desperately digging around.

“Master!” Clear said, beaming as though Aoba’s transition hadn’t fazed him at all. Desire managed a grin in his direction.

“Shit… Reason’s really got it lucky with you two. Really wish I could stick around longer.” He found a small tin and shook it, satisfied with the small clinking inside, then downed however many pills were inside. Good thing Aoba never decided to flake off with the pills even after deciding Desire was decent. Or so he hoped.

“This’ll keep Restraint and I on lockdown for a while so Reason doesn’t get kicked in the mental nards. I don’t need Aoba wasting anymore time here,” he grumbled, pacing around and rolling his joints as the pills kick in. He grinned at Clear and Mink just as his vision was fading to the growing overdose. “Get going with a plan or something, yeah? And you both better start fucking working fast ‘cause once this is all over, whether or not Aoba lives to tell the tale of how he saved the island with all you hot psychopaths and this ‘demon’ …” He lifted a weak arm and a crooked grin to Mink’s cautious glare:

“I’ll make damn good sure you wish you never called me out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for kudos and hits, I appreciate it all! c: If there's any errors please let me know! I beta read it on my own and sometimes things slip past;;;

**Author's Note:**

> Ren attacks Aoba but Desire saves the day \\(;w;)/
> 
> Please leave kudos or comment!! It's really inspiring and I can't say how much I appreciate every reader~


End file.
